Happy Mother's Day!

OK, before anyone thinks I've gone off my rocker (I'm usually bashing feminism and hyperchivalry), it's important to give credit where it's due as well as criticism in addition to finding new ways to compliment and give credit that may have been ignored in the past.

There is an entire category of good mothering that's ignored by society and most especially ignored by feminists and hyperchivalrists.  It's the mother who thinks about her children BEFORE they are born!

Sure, there are good parents out there, of both genders, who kick into gear when the stork delivers the bundle of joy and good for them.  Also, there are parents who rise up to a crisis.  But what's often ignored are the parents who did all their work before the child is born.  As a good scout knows: It's all about preparation. 

The best mothers carefully work hard and find and select a good mate and do it quickly (since time is NOT on their side).  That's a major challenge both biologically and personally.  It's one that men don't face in the same manner.  I could afford to be immature in my teens and take my time to grow up in my 20's.  I could be stubborn and even a jerk in my early 30's.  Then I grew up.  Fast.  And a good thing too.  I hope I'll be a better father for it.

But women have a different challenge.  They take a different exam, but they have half the time.  It's best, biologically, for them to have a child by their early 20's.  Due to the complicated nature of our society and the lack of clear boundaries, it must be rather difficult to know precisely what you want, and more importantly, NEED to be a good PARENT by that time.  I know women who are great mothers who had children at that age and I salute them.  They're stronger than I was!

In addition, being a good parent, or mother, doesn't exist in a vacuum.  Although there are some who laud women for the "sacrifice" of gestating a child for 9 months, that's almost like giving someone a medal at the Olympics for just showing up.  It's only the beginning.  A good parent doesn't just produce children.  They produce ADULTS who move forward to have children of their own who become productive adults and so on.

So a good mother is not only someone who produces healthy children at a healthy age that grow up to become healthy citizens, but also someone who is a good wife and member of society herself to set an example.  A good father (I'll address this a month later) helps support her in that role.  More on that later, of course.

Finally, another aspect of motherhood that's ignored is someone who puts aside their personal squabbles for the best interests of their children.  Nobody should put up with DV, of course, but learning to accept that your mate isn't perfect, or even get divorced and keep it amicable for the interests of the children, deserves a real medal as well.  Sometimes things don't work out as planned and perhaps the toughest thing to deal with is a feeling of betrayal of abandonment by one's spouse.  The mothers who handle that with grace and dignity deserve recognition.